Auto Nation American politicians and their remarkable similarities to automobiles Justin Hartfield
George Washington - Ford Model T
The best-selling car in American history is much like America's most-loved President. Both are steeped in history and tradition, both are famed for their prudence and practicality, both were originals, and both succeeded despite their opposition to convention. Washington had wooden teeth and the Model T had wooden wheels.
Abraham Lincoln - Early Model Ford F Truck Series
Honest Abe wasn't the best looking dude around. He probably wasn't the sharpest dressed, either. But he was practical and he always got the job done, no matter how slow it took him or how many obstacles he had in his way. The same goes for the classic Ford truck: they're never pretty, and they're always slow (except the Lightning), but they tend to get the job done in a pinch.
Theodore Roosevelt - E30 BMW M3
Capricious, raw, and unpredictable, Theodore Roosevelt was similar to the first North American BMW M3. Like the racing car, he was fast to peruse his goals and quick to turn in a new direction when he sensed he was off course. Also much like the famed auto, while he was generally successful, he had his fair share of breakdowns and failures along the way. His projects were often expensive to maintain as well [ask our executive editor about the bill for his former E36 M3].
George W. Bush - Hummer H3
George W. Bush would be a perfect H3 Hummer - undersized and ill-equipped for the monumental tasks its marketing campaign claims to be accomplished with ease. Both are lame ducks that attempt to give the illusion of strength, though they do little to fool the general population. Their gross display of supposed masculinity achieves little in practice, and they are mostly patronized only by those who know very little about actual combat.
Ron Paul - Toyota Corolla
Small, reliable and efficient, Corollas never die - even if they are six model years outdated and going 55 mph in the fast lane of the 5 North at 2 o'clock in the morning. Ron Paul's anti-big government voting record is a firm testament to his reliability to, as he says, "uphold the Constitution I was swore to protect." Mr. Paul's no-frills style is indeed like much like the Corolla itself. But you'll likely never see either in the driveway of large, gated White Houses.
Sam Brownback - Toyota Previa
Politicians like Sam Brownback believe that the federal government can make happier, healthier marriages by instituting laws which dictate how couples should behave, including legal sanctions against divorce, pornography ("a scourge upon our civilization and one of the most insidious threats to the stability of our families") and/or other perverse sexual behavior. For this reason alone, we award Mr. Brownback the universal symbol of domestic slavery and cultural homogeneity - the Toyota Previa minivan.
Mitt Romney - Lincoln Town Car
Even though Mitt Romney could easily afford to be any car, he fits in well with a mid-tiered Lincoln sedan. Yes, it's still pricey, but it's still modest enough for a middle-class working man (he's just like us!). The Town Car is the epitome of what's wrong with Detroit; and Romney of what's wrong with politicians. The car manufacturer's parent, Ford, has flip-flopped between suicidal business to terrible business models; and correspondingly, Romney has flip-flopped between his previous undefinable philosophical beliefs to his now even scarier GOP Poll-based philosophical beliefs. Perhaps both were designed by committee?
Rudy Giuliani - M1A1 Abrams Main Battle Tank
For the man whose sole campaign can be summed up with the phrase "We want to stay on offense in the War on Terror," it would be appropriate to see Mr. Giuliani as a gigantic armored vehicle. As Mr. Giuliani also seems bent on "not showing weakness to the enemy," this battle cruiser would be a perfect complement to Giuliani's good-versus-evil mentality and should serve him well if things get hairy during visits to the local FDNY station.
The above work is the opinion of the author, and not necessarily that of The Prometheus Institute.
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